Thriving in the midst of thorns

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 My last love took away my will for commitment, my ability to dream about a future, my desire to raise a family.

My last love took away my capacity to love someone, my potential to trust, my wish to feel loved

My last love took away the little bit of hope I had left in me, the feeling that I deserved to be loved, my confidence in my capacity to love

My last love took away the innocence of my soul, the permanence my mind could fathom and the flames inside my body

My last love took away my wish to see the things we dreamt of seeing together, the life that we dreamt of living together, the experiences we hoped of having...Together

My last love took away a part of me that I can never have back, a part of me that will always be dead, a part of me that grew with him

My last love took away all this, not because he could, but because I let him

And now I grieve the loss of someone who is still alive

I grieve the loss of a part of me that I always thought would stay alive

A part of me that I can’t recognize anymore

Someone who is not who I thought I would grow up to be

I try and try to understand where I fell short

Was it the way I loved, the trust I had or my blind faith in a future

The arrogance that no matter what changes, this will stay

Maybe I challenged destiny too far

But I know I also prayed

That this love would stay, as long as I lived

Now that it hasn’t, all I am left with is me

Not all of me, but enough of me to survive

Thrive? Maybe with time

I don’t regret the loss of love

I regret the loss of me

Someone who loved with all of her existence, dared to trust that once and dreamt of a future

Knowing her fate has never given her what she wanted

And now I don’t know what I want

Life is finally a blank canvas

Every day is a new day

There are no hopes of a future beyond the very next day

I don’t hope for anyone to stay

Nor can I firmly say that I would stay the same

But I do know one thing today

The part of me that died will never come back

But the part of me that stayed

Will forever thrive

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