Till death do us part - Season 1

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It’s official! It has been one full year since I stood in front of what felt like a million people and claimed this one man to be my lawfully wedded husband. And what a year it has been! There was unsurmountable joy, irrevocable sadness, fear of the unknown, feeling stuck, peace beyond reason, learning things about oneself like never before, and changes – so many changes!

For someone who grew up on order and plans, I watched my world crumble and get back together in a year. I had only heard in myths and stories, how much yoking with someone you call your own could change every part of you. But now, one full trip around the sun as a married woman, I know.

So here goes, lessons learnt from season one of the ‘till death do us part’ saga–

The curse of newness – When things are new, everything feels giddy. The world opens up to new possibilities that the mind is jet-set-ready to explore. But when the dust settles and the sheen is gone, you realise the importance of what you left behind. For me it was realising that I could never come home again to watch my parents in their everyday mundane life. Every visit I have made to my maiden home has been an occasion. I remember my sister quipping that I was now a guest because my mum gave me water in a glass container as opposed to the steel contraption reserved for ghar ke log. It’s like grieving the loss of your parents twice – once when you leave home, and once when they leave this earth. For me it was after marriage, for many it is when they leave for their careers, life and everything in between. And once you leave, home is never the same.

The loss of self – When I first came home (the one that I live in), I suddenly had a new identity, I was someone’s wife. I carried it around like a badge of honour (I still do – it’s the best!), but over time I realised that beneath this new shell lies the same old skin I always had. I was a new person, and yet the same old me. Home is where we are our realest self. But in a new home, the shedding of that shell to reveal what is within is a task in its own. And the trick of the trade then is figuring out how much of your self do you make public. I must say, I am still figuring that part out.

Names to faces – My biggest challenge so far has been remembering names to faces, of people related to the family, friends, social circle, etc. Once married, I gained a brand new set of parents, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces, and grandparents. My friends became his friends, his friends became mine. The challenge here is to balance relationships I already had, with the ones that I was now forming. What mattered then was being consistent – figuring out what works (calls, texts, meet-ups) and making time for it. Like many things, this is also a work in progress for me, but I must say, I do feel that I am doing a pretty decent job at it!

A mirror to oneself – When you are on your own, you get to (un)consciously justify your every action and intention. But when you are with someone, it seems like for everything you do, they are holding a mirror unto yourself to really test and feel what it truly means to be you. Countless meals, drives, sleepovers, and conversations later, I now see myself in a light that I never would have, as my single self – and for that I am grateful!

Made for two – My best friend always says that the world is made for two. Everything is designed in such a way that a couple gets to experience it in the best possible way. With being married, I got to experience it too – what it feels like to have someone hold you in the middle of the night when you are spiralling for no reason, to carry you around when you can’t walk, to take you out for adventures, to taste the food you make for the first time and say ‘acha bana hai’, to celebrate you as you reach new milestones and to be there for you when you can’t seem to be there for yourself.

Things I miss – I was one of the first people to marry in my friend circle, meaning I am yet to find peers I can have heart to heart conversations with about the adventures of being newly married. What that meant then was that I suddenly couldn’t relate to feelings of isolation in your late twenties, what it means to be in the marriage market, and even the ability to make plans for oneself as an individual. New challenges brought a kind of isolation I could only fill by reaching out to people who were far ahead in this journey. And boy! am I grateful for the people who cared enough to lend a listening ear. If you are reading this, and you are one of them – thank you for being there for me in ways only you could have been. And for my friends who may choose to get married at some point soon – I will be here waiting!

I don’t know what this new year is set to bring for me as an individual, a married woman, and for us as a couple. All I know is that I am grateful to be on this journey with someone who is willing to try their best – every single day!

And I can’t wait to see who I become and what I learn in season two of the ‘till death do us part saga’ ft. Lin and Bin.

Until then,

Sayonara dear reader!

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