Faster than the speed of light

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It's 30th January 2025. Another month is coming to an end. The pace at which each day has been moving since I turned an adult is astronomical. Do you feel that way too? It's like each individual day doesn't feel too fast but time in general, it's sprinting. Is time faster than the speed of light? No? It certainly feels so to me.

I was sixteen a blink ago. And now I am twenty six. Closer to turning forty than I was to being a goofy ten year old. But that is also the beauty of it all. I have always wanted to be an adult. To have complete autonomy over my time and space. Not to say that I didn't have any growing up. But I find it easier to live with each passing day. Twenty five felt like an awakening. Twenty six feels like an island breeze. I feel calmer, more in control of myself, more willing to make choices that serve me best regardless of how people around me may feel.


I also feel my energies shifting. This year I did not cut a birthday cake but I spent a whole week celebrating with my new found family. There were no significant material gifts but I am about to begin my journey to accomplish one of my biggest childhood dreams (more on that later). I smile more. I dress up more. I use up more of the nice things without waiting for a special day because hey! Everyday is a special day as much as it could be our very last.


I don't wait to be approached. I reach out to people I want to stay in touch with. Send those random texts when I see something that reminds me of someone I love. I have also muted updates on people whose journey no longer aligns with mine. Every day feels like a fresh start. Me discovering new things about myself as much as I am understanding the people around me more.


I can also feel myself changing, becoming someone I can't recognise anymore. Becoming more like my mom? (This needs more thought) I am a woman of many words with the people I am comfortable with, but lately, I have been enjoying the quiet a lot more than I usually would. I am not who I was yesterday and no matter how many times old wounds and mistakes scream at me, I know that I am growing to be a better person.


2025 started for me with the hope to be a little more kinder to myself. I did not make resolutions. But I did promise myself to read more, write more, sing more, spend time with people I love, catch up with people I haven't met in a while, clear out my closet and my bookshelf, read more Indian authors, actually watch the movies and series that people recommend to me, give cooking a chance, sit in the sun more, get over my loathing for chai and most importantly, ask in clear words for whatever it is that I want.


How far have I come along so far? Not even a slightest bit ahead. But hey! Jan 1 is not the only day for beginnings. I will try again tomorrow. For today, I managed to sit under the sun, catch up with my friends, finish reading a book and set up dinner plans (where I try and cook something!!) Adulting has been fun. No matter how chaotic and confusing. My brain fogs less now, I can explain the rationality behind my actions and most importantly I can stand tall infront of anyone and say - Today I lived my best day and if there is a tomorrow, I will try again!

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