Choosing Joy

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 I am home, about to embark upon a journey of a lifetime and life is throwing so many curveballs my way that I could arguably only wallow in self-pity. But this is where I had a call with an elder sister I never had and she gave me the most touché yet often forgotten action I could take when life does not go our way. And that is what I want to tell you today! The act of choosing joy…an active striving to choose things and people and activities that give us pure and unadulterated joy, especially when circumstances are not going our way.

This is very different from the toxic-ominous positivity that the world has made us believe in. This is not a covered up illusion, but an acknowledgement that life is shit, but we are consciously choosing joy and in that way, choosing ourselves. Now, how do we really choose joy?

Step 1: Acknowledging our circumstances

I have briefly mentioned this already. The idea is simple – to take a cold hard look at life and figure out what we can and cannot change. Once we know what is within and beyond our control, we can choose the adequate paths to tread upon. This would mean changing our circumstances (where they are in our control) or changing our approach/reaction to things not in our control. I am very aware that this is easier said than done. So, if you have any pro-tips on this matter, please tell me too?

Step 2: Doing things that bring us joy

This would firstly require an understanding of what are the things that bring us joy. Go on, take out a piece of paper and pen or your trusty-old notes app and list away – What brings you joy? Who brings you joy? I am sure when you do this small activity, you will have a bank of things and people that you can fall back on when you desperately need some joy in life!

Here are some of the things that are on my list –

• Sipping coffee and reading books

• Painting (Ps. I am truly terrible at it, but oh the joy…inexplicable!)

• Video calling all my long-distance besties

• Writing blog posts

Ps. You might see why I suddenly am posting something so out of the blue.

PPs. It is my little act of choosing joy!

Step 3: Choosing ourselves

Go back to your list of people who bring you joy, did you list yourself there? No? Well, initially I didn’t either. We are so consumed by wanting to be treated well, loved and cherished by the people around us that we often forget that fundamentally we only need ourselves to experience the same if not more of this joy! 

These are a few things I learnt along the way– 

• No one knows what we want until we explicitly state them

• Only we can set our own boundaries (Sometimes that means giving up on the Saviour complex of being there for everyone, everywhere, all at once!)

• The only person getting hurt by unmet expectations is the one keeping them.

All that I mean by all this is to only keep oneself accountable and responsible for our joy and happiness. Whatever joy we experience in the presence of others is a simple matter of how much joy we allow ourselves to feel in their presence. Imagine how powerful and in control we would be if we could be the true kings and queens of the kingdom of our joy! And mind you, it is 100% possible to get there. All we need to do is know that positive circumstances and loving people are only the cherry on the cake, a bonus for the wonderful life filled with joy that we can build for ourselves, all by ourselves.

So here’s to you my valiant soldier, life is shit! But we got this…you got this!

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