Everyone’s Love Looks Different

Lately I have been contemplating a lot about my past. Courtesy to all the free time during this pandemic! I came to realise that over the years I developed a lot of anger and resentment against people who chose to exit my life with or without a warning. My argument – how can someone choose to leave after I invested so much of my time and energy into them!

Now I realise that I was acting like an investment banker who did not get the expected profits from a startup they helped stand on its feet. That sounds a little crude, doesn’t it? Yesterday while preparing for my final exams I came across a concept, it’s more like an idea that said – all human interaction is based on three underlying principles – to give, to receive and to repay.

I guess my resentment came out of the belief that these humans who chose to leave never repaid for the love and care I gave them. So much for unconditional love right! But then, I came across this quote on a wallpaper that read – ‘Everyone’s love looks different’

Everyone’s love looks different. I made the image my lock screen wallpaper immediately. Now every time I open my phone and read this line I feel a little less angry. Ask me why? Well, I realized that the people who chose to leave must have realized that their place in my life served no purpose anymore and that I was better off without them. It was their way of showing that they cared – by letting me grow and thrive and not waste my time on them.

This quote also made me realise that the people that are actually there in my life – even their display of love has a different hue, most often drastically different from how I show my love. Gary Chapman gave the concept of the different love languages. Check it out if you haven’t yet (https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/click-here-happiness/202009/what-are-the-5-love-languages-definition-and-examples) I understood this concept in theory, but never realized its practical application in my life.

Now I do. Now I realise that when my mother chooses to give me a talk on keeping things ready for my exam (even though she knows I would have set up ages ago), when my friends give me unsolicited advice when all I am looking for is validation, when my sister calls me names ;p – it’s their way of showing their love, showing that they care.

Sure, violent behaviour and abuse (both mental and physical) are in no way justifiable by this logic. That is wrong at all levels. But those little things that our loved ones do that we sometimes find monumentally annoying – I have reasons to now believe that they are their way of showing that they care. 

So here’s to people that chose to leave and those that chose to stay – Thank you! You have played a very important role in making me who I am today.

And for those who managed to read till here – here’s me wishing you that every day as you navigate through life you actually feel the love that people are trying to express by the little things they choose to do for you. And may you keep spreading your hue of love to everyone in your life! Lord knows we need a lot of that in these dark times.