The Chosen Family of Old

When my dad came to this city, he was a young man in his early twenties trying to navigate the big city that is Delhi. We haven’t spoken much about his bachelor days but I know from the pictures in the old albums kept safely in our metal almirah that he was not alone. A lanky young man with a thick full beard, and with him a bunch of other young men with varying degrees of facial hair.

Now, why did I begin with such a crude picture? Well, lately I have been wondering about the wonder that is the chosen family. A bunch of people outside our kinship and blood ties that we develop intense emotional bonds with, the ones that are there for us when we have no one else to turn to.

It’s been a little short of three decades since my father moved to Delhi and it is this group of young lanky men who have sustained our family in times of need. We call them the Dilshad Garden gang, all men, now in their late fifties and sixties with their wives and sons and daughters and grandkids, living life as one.

My dad’s gang developed out of proximity at first, being the only Malayali of his age in the neighbourhood, he had to sort for some approximation of his kin, and fellow Malayali men were all he could find at that time. He is the youngest in the gang, the oldest one has a grandkid half my age!

What began as an arrangement of convenience slowly turned into a camaraderie that has now seen multiple weddings, births, deaths, and near-death situations. To quote an example, it was this very gang of friends that ran around figuring out all the arrangements when my dad got his heart attack in 2005 when I was six years old. Mum always says that she did not have to move an inch to make things happen. They were there, every step of the way.

One of the oldest memories I have of these people is how my dad would go to play volleyball every Sunday morning. As their age progressed, volleyball turned into badminton, but their love forever remained.

We have gone on very many trips together, get-togethers, birthday celebrations, baptisms, and naamkarans, but out of all these, the cutest tradition there exists is the one vow these men made to each other a long time back – Never to miss any of their kids’ weddings. No matter where they are, all of them make it a point to show up to their kids’ weddings, together as one. And my God when the rest of the family joins, it is the most massive gang.

Most of them have now shifted to Kerala, and their kids settled down in different parts of the world. None of us get to meet as often, but whenever we do, oh the happiness and laughter that follows, I have no words to describe it.

Somewhere in the Bible, there is a verse that reads, “Better is a neighbour who is near than a brother who is far away.” The fellowship that I have personally experienced over the years through the friendships that my father made when he was my age is inexplicable. I am truly grateful for the community of loving souls I was born into, regardless of how far we are now and how rare our conversations have become. I know exactly when I will see them again!

PS. If you didn’t get when, it will be at my wedding, duh!

Now, the most important reason that inspired me to write this blog today. Lately, a bunch of my closest friends started a brotherhood inspired by their mutual love for bikes. As I see them grow and flourish into this beautiful fellowship, I could not help but be reminded of my dad and his OG gang. I see a lot of the same level of kinship and bond in the brotherhood of these men and I truly hope that them and their wives and sons and daughters and grandkids get to enjoy the same love and communal strength that I grew up with.

Here’s to the burnout brotherhood! I can not wait to see the amazing things you achieve with your lives together.

PPS: If you want to check out what these guys are up to, head to their Instagram page (https://instagram.com/burnoutbrotherhood?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)

And here’s to all of you, the chosen family in each of our lives, you make our lives better, every single day. After all, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” :p