The Unabridged Version of a Rational Emotional Mind

  My last love took away my will for commitment, my ability to dream about a future, my desire to raise a family. My last love took away my capacity to love someone, my potential to trust, my wish to feel loved My last love took away the little bit of hope I had left in me, the feeling that I deserved to be loved, my confidence in my capacity to love My last love took away the innocence of my soul, the permanence my mind could fathom and the flames inside my body My last love took away my wish to see the things we dreamt of seeing together, the life that we dreamt of living together, the experiences we hoped of having...Together My last love took away a part of me that I can never have back, a part of me that will always be dead, a part of me that grew with him My last love took away all this, not because he could, but because I let him And now I grieve the loss of someone who is still alive I grieve the loss of a part of me that I always thought would stay alive ...

19 th July 2017 – my very first day of college life... It was a rainy day like today. In fact, my whole neighbourhood was flooded. I remember waking up super early that day, disappointed that I won’t be able to make it. I remember asking my dad if he could drop me. It was a gamble for his car, to say the least. You see, when I say floods in my neighbourhood, it is not the usual water here and there, difficulty in walking kind. It is knee-deep water capable of seeping inside cars, jamming parts, and everything associated with the chaos. Dad still chose to say yes. And so we began, my very first day of college with an adventure... I still don’t know how my dad managed to pull the car out of the ocean surrounding my house. But he did, and I will always be grateful that he did. And so I arrived, on the pedestal of Daulat Ram College at 8.05 am on that chilly Wednesday morning. By then, it was only a light drizzle, the kind that makes you believe for a split second that all is well wit...

Most days I don’t understand you. You have made me so numb and passive and protective of my own self that I sometimes really don’t know how life would have been if I never knew you. I feel you took away a lot of my chances for happiness. All the physical pain I have felt because of you makes me feel very stupid and ashamed of myself. I really wish I didn’t have to beat myself up so bad. I really wish I knew how to never let you be a part of my life. I hate the days you make me cry at night wishing things would go back to how they were. I really don’t know if who I am right now is who I would have been if you never came into my life. I really wish life would give me less of you. You have made me numb and untrusting of the world. I really wish I never met you. I really wish I didn’t have to feel all the things I did because of you. I could go to any lengths to never meet you again. You are the only permanent thing in my life. I will always have you. You have shaped my life, my ca...