Hacks to hide the holy ‘Halo Effect’

Have you ever noticed that some people can do the absolute bare minimum for you and possess all of your heart? While there are others who can bring the whole world to your knees and you still won’t be as impressed?

One ‘hello’ from exhibit A will send you flying into the abyss of bliss, while a long anthology of affection from exhibit B will only get a mere ‘meh’ from you.

Alternatively, there must also be people who can put you into a flaming rage by just breathing. And then there are some who can drag you into the pit of fire themselves and you still won’t get angry with them.

 Is it just me? Or do you also have people that you treat differently based on how you ‘think’ they make you feel?

Well for me, I came to a realization this morning that it never was about the person on the other end. It was about the power I chose to give them over me.

How we react to the actions of others is not a reflection of them as people, but a display of the power that we choose to give them over us. Before we figure out how to reclaim that power, let’s find out why the differential treatment in the first place?

In psychology, there is a cognitive bias (error in our thinking patterns) that guides most of our judgments of other’s behaviours. It is called the ‘Halo effect’. This is a phenomenon wherein one particular trait or characteristic of a person is used as a shortcut by us to evaluate their whole personality and ultimately what effect they will have on us.

Now how do we figure out if we are excessively being affected by the halo effect when dealing with others? I am hoping that some people would have come to your mind when you read the first few paragraphs of my rant. Try describing the ‘bare minimum’ category and the ‘fit of rage on breathing’ category.

*Pause for intense thinking

If all you can think about is positives for category 1 and negatives for category 2, you, my friend have been a victim of the halo effect. On a side note, I must tell you that using such shortcuts is the most natural thing our brain can do.

Now, if you want to get rid of the impact of the halo effect on your judgments of others, here are some things I do, which I hope will be useful to you too –

1. Try the adjective test that I described before – all positives or all negatives mean the halo effect has impacted in some way or the other.

Ps. This is in no way to say that we must nit-pick flaws in others. But let’s face it, no one can be all daisies and roses, and no one can be a complete spawn of the devil.

2. Try the mirror test – see if you were to act in the manner they did, would you get the same response from someone else.

For example, let’s take someone from the bare minimum category. Let’s say they are the responder type, meaning they only respond to your questions and never ask their own. Now imagine if you were to act that way with someone else, will they respond the way you are? If not, then it is time for you to check your actions.

Now, some of you might say it’s not about how they act; it’s about how they make us feel. Well then my friend, it seems like you are waiting to see how red the flag can really get. Be it with friends, in a relationship or with a colleague we need to make sure we are basing our judgments on facts and not fantasy.

Ask me why? Simply because when they finally cross the threshold, we will be seeing them from a light we never expected to. And the emotions we then feel will be way more difficult to handle.

The halo effect is most active when we meet new people. The adage ‘First impressions are the best impressions’ is true in spirit simply because once we give in to the halo effect, it takes way too long for its effects to wear off.

And that’s why sometimes we feel we saw the ‘true colours’ of people way late into knowing them, when in reality it was our rose-coloured glasses masking as the halo effect that actually came off.

I had a chance to teach little kids about emotional boundaries the other day and the one lesson I learnt in the process is what I wanna leave you guys with – Always move slowly into new relationships with others to establish deeper trust.

Because, the slower human ties take to develop, the more meaningful and realistic they become.